COVID-19 is changing everyone's lives, whether it's working from home or contacting loved ones more frequently. Change can create anxiety.
Anxiety increases when a person's sense of control decreases, said Eileen Dummer, clinical director at Lighthouse Counseling in Hutchinson and Litchfield.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention asked for social distancing, with residents now told to stay home if possible thanks to Gov. Tim Walz’ executive order. Being isolated can be challenging. For some, isolation means staying in with the family. But constant contact with a spouse, children or other family members and friends can be its own struggle, as a recently reported uptick of divorces in China suggests.
So, how can people maintain healthy relationships with those with whom they are quarantined? Tina Carr, co-owner of Aspire Counseling in Hutchinson and a mental health therapist, believes isolation will be unique for each person.
“It's going to affect people differently. Some people are going to fare better than others,” Carr said. “Some people are okay with staying at home and doing things at home. … Some people might feel trapped. Some people might get anxious or worried or stressed, depressed.”
Dummer echoed that sentiment.
“Acknowledging we're all lost and ... grief reactions is really important,” she said.
Mary Anderson, clinical director of SteppingStone Therapeutic in Hutchinson, said the most important thing during the pandemic is to be healthy ourselves. This includes understanding our anxiety and not making everything a catastrophe that could spiral into dread and panic.
Anxiety is already being seen. Anderson said former clients she hadn't seen in years were calling in for therapy. She said those in isolation may become traumatized or have higher anxiety and depression, or a feeling of hopelessness that overwhelms the ability to cope.
To cope, one of the most important things we can do is take care of ourselves, including hygiene, healthy eating and continuing prescribed medication.
“Self-care,” Carr said. “I think that's important for maintaining relationships too. Making sure you are still taking care of you. Make sure you're handling your stress or worry or whatnot can help your relationships at home.”
Dummer also emphasized self-care, including doing things as minimal as taking a shower, having a warm cup of coffee or going out for a run.
“Everybody has a different way they take care of themselves, or multiple ways,” she said. “And making sure we prioritize self-care individually, and then respecting other people's self-care time within the family, is really important.”
With people more cooped up than ever, Dummer suggested going outside for Vitamin D and getting fresh air can help. She also said exercise is a great way to help with anxiety and mood as it releases endorphins and serotonin. In addition, Anderson said everyone needs time and space to process, and giving people those things will create closer relationships.
“Events become traumatic for people when they are unable to express their feelings about what is going on,” Anderson said, “when they are unable to process those feelings with someone and when people feel misunderstood during or right after a traumatic event. So it is important for everyone to feel heard and understood and that their feelings are validated. Remember that you may have very different feelings than others in your household.”
Dummer agreed, adding that people have their own grief reactions.
To help our relationships, Anderson recommends creating a sense of oneness by doing things together.
“Keep communication open,” she said. “Don't only talk about the virus … get to know one another. Connect as a family to something greater than yourself.”
Routines can also help because they give family members plans.
“Keeping those (routines) in mind helps us get through the day-to-day so that the time doesn't feel so slow and we don't feel so trapped,” Dummer said.
Anderson recommends connecting with neighbors through the internet, the phone or simply the window. She also recommends playing together, cooking together, reading together, praying together, and simply talking, something Carr agreed with.
“We could do board games, card games, things like camping in your backyard, cooking over the fire,” Carr said. “Also providing breaks. Breaks from the children, breaks to be alone and kind of wind down. Engaging in activities as a family. Maybe you planned and prepared meals together, or you can turn almost anything into a competition.”
“Talking openly with each other,” Carr added. “Talking about worries if there's worries. Letting each other know when we're feeling stressed, sad or angry is helpful too.”
“It is vital for individuals to feel seen, safe, soothed and secure,” Anderson said.
That's not to say everything should be done as a family. Having time for oneself is important, even if it's just stepping out of a room for a couple of minutes when possible.
“People need a break from one another,” Dummer added, “and to give each other that time and respect those boundaries is important because people are feeling like they're in close quarters.”
