“Seeing those babies thrive helps us,” said Megan Bah of Hutchinson. “Giving myself to them makes us happy.”
Eleanor Bah was stillborn Dec. 18, less than a month before her due date. Since then, her parents Megan Bah and Jarin Karjala haven’t had to grieve alone. People all over the world — from across New Zealand, Europe and the states — learned of Megan’s breastmilk donations to a set of twins in St. Paul and have offered words of kindness. Thanks to her donations, month-old twins are happy and healthy.
“The parents drive out here to Hutchinson,” Megan said. “They said the twins are doing great and that they’re growing. I decided pumping was a mommy thing I could still do after having Eleanor. It keeps us busy.”
Megan and Jarin sit down together each week to bag and label the milk. On Jan. 10, the couple donated 884 ounces of milk. They donated a second batch, 944 ounces, Jan. 31.
No one had given Megan the suggestion. In fact, she’d been given suggestions on how to supress her breast milk production after Eleanor’s birth. But she reached out when she learned through Facebook that the pair of St. Paul twins, born the same day as Eleanor, needed milk.
“(I appreciate) knowing this can help other moms not only dealing with loss but others struggling with nursing,” Megan said. “It was something I’d read about beforehand. If more people know about it, maybe more people would do the same.”
It was the least she could do, she said. The loss still affects her, Karjala and their 6-year-old daughter, Stella, as they return to daily life. The couple took time away from their management jobs at Culver’s after saying their goodbyes to Ellie.
They and family members spent 19 hours holding the baby at Hutchinson Health. According to a Facebook post by Megan, Eleanor had passed due to a knot in her umbilical cord cutting off circulation. There was nothing that could have prevented the tragedy, she wrote.
Eleanor was cremated, and family and friends gathered for a memorial service the Sunday after the birth.
“Obviously we’re still sad,” Megan said. “We’re still grieving. But we’ve had a lot of support, especially from friends and family. Ellie’s birth slideshow has been shared more than 100,000 times online. I’ve been receiving messages from all over. Reading through those has really helped.”
Megan said after her stillbirth, she learned that such incidents are more common than she’d thought. Even people close to her have been forced to grieve over similar experiences.
“Knowing we’re not alone in what happened with Eleanor’s birth has helped,” she said. “It’s not something that’s talked about much.”
However, support groups for parents grieving over stillborn and miscarried children do exist. Megan learned of a local group in town from a Hutchinson Health nurse who had experienced a similar loss.
Parents can attend the pregnancy and infant loss support group each month at Hutchinson Health Hospital. For more information, call Mandy Sturges or April Schumacher at 320-484-4621.
Megan hopes her own experience and the story of her donations can help other parents and even children.
“Reach out to as many people as you can for support,” she said. “Take things day by day. Everyone breathes differently. Reading through all these comments and finding a way to give back to the community, that’s helped us.”
